You can now buy an UZI for $25 ... but it's a pen
Looking for something to jot down a few lines of poetry as you sip camomile tea from your Battle Mug? While a Bic might do the trick, it would perhaps be more appropriate to use the UZI Tactical Defender Pen.
So, yes, this is the same UZI that makes the submachine guns. The pen is simply an UZI-licensed product, of course, so don’t go thinking that any Israeli craftsman put it together after a day of making firearms. It still definitely is a conversation piece, however.
The Tactical Defender Pen is made of aircraft aluminum, writes in black ink (naturally), accepts Parker or Fisher refills, and can be used upside down or underwater. Its crown can be used as a glass breaker, or ... as a DNA catcher. The idea is that if you jab an attacker with the crown of the pen, it will retain a sample of their DNA for later identification by the police. Of course, you could argue that it’s unlikely you’d have the pen handy at the time, or that the attacker would take it away from you, or that you’d probably get enough DNA even if you used a regular pen – but that’s not the point, is it?
There’s also a handcuff key hidden underneath the crown, should you end up on the wrong side of the law.
You can buy one now, for US$24.99 – camo face paint not included.