Automotive

There's a new Nissan Juke, and it doesn't look terrible

There's a new Nissan Juke, and...
Y-shaped headlights at the front – not sure who thought Y-fronts were a good idea
Y-shaped headlights at the front – not sure who thought Y-fronts were a good idea
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Back seats have a couple inches more legroom
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Back seats have a couple inches more legroom
The 19-inch wheels with black plastic arches scream "I can handle short stretches of gravel"
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The 19-inch wheels with black plastic arches scream "I can handle short stretches of gravel"
Sporty seats will leave "EKUJ" imprinted on your upper back on long trips
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Sporty seats will leave "EKUJ" imprinted on your upper back on long trips
OK you fiends, where have you hidden the exhaust?
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OK you fiends, where have you hidden the exhaust?
Oh, that monobrow
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Oh, that monobrow
The new Nissan Juke is a bit bigger, and a touch better looking in our opinion – if you ignore the front bit
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The new Nissan Juke is a bit bigger, and a touch better looking in our opinion – if you ignore the front bit
Funky side skirts and a blacked-out roof give the Juke the illusion of performance
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Funky side skirts and a blacked-out roof give the Juke the illusion of performance
Neat side design details
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Neat side design details
There's a six-speed manual and a seven-speed paddle shift auto
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There's a six-speed manual and a seven-speed paddle shift auto
The new Juke looks its best from the side
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The new Juke looks its best from the side
The black and red scheme should divide opinions
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The black and red scheme should divide opinions
Busy, sporty interior
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Busy, sporty interior
Y-shaped headlights at the front – not sure who thought Y-fronts were a good idea
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Y-shaped headlights at the front – not sure who thought Y-fronts were a good idea
Black leather interior is a little easier on the eye
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Black leather interior is a little easier on the eye

Well, it doesn't look terrible unless you look at it from the front, where Nissan has elected to furnish it with a gleaming monobrow that would make Frida Kahlo or Anthony Davis swoon, depending on whether your tastes run more toward post-colonialist, gender-questioning Mexican painters or towering, extenda-limb millionaire hoopers that run away to Los Angeles and team up with LeBron James at the first whiff of struggle.

That dirty big brow gives the new Juke a look of furrowed consternation, not unlike the faces of motoring journalists when the original Juke made its debut nearly 10 years ago, shrinking the "utility vehicle" down to something barely bigger than a hatchback and answering a question nobody was ever going to ask by themselves.

Once it was answered, though, there was no questioning its success. The Juke sold nearly a million units in Europe alone, where presumably people saw it as a nice blend of "small, efficient urban getabout" and "high enough to see over the traffic." Well congratulations, European Juke buyers, you have successfully added a million more high-riding cars to the traffic over there, and your next cars are going to have to be even higher to see over those.

Funky side skirts and a blacked-out roof give the Juke the illusion of performance
Funky side skirts and a blacked-out roof give the Juke the illusion of performance

The new Juke is not such a higher car. It is slightly longer and wider, though, adding some 20 percent more luggage space with a total of 422 liters. There's a bit more room in the back seats, with a couple of inches more room for knees and 1.1 cm (0.4 in) more headroom for back seat passengers.

Movement is provided by a one-liter, three-cylinder turbo making 115 hp. You can get it with a six-speed manual, or seven-speed paddle-shift dual-clutch auto, but the CVT is no longer an option. There are eco, standard and sport driving modes, in case you feel like you need to tone down the raging output of your hundred and fifteen horsepower, one-liter triple.

The new Juke will give buyers the option of adding Nissan's ProPilot tech for "electronically assisted steering, acceleration and braking," as well as auto emergency braking that can recognize cyclists and pedestrians; traffic sign recognition; lane keeping; rear cross traffic alerts; and a new blind spot warning and intervention jigger that "warns the driver when a car gets into its blind spot and brings Juke back in the lane," whatever that might translate to in the real world.

Busy, sporty interior
Busy, sporty interior

There's new connectivity gear, including Android Auto and Apple CarPlay, with maps and live traffic from TomTom, and a phone app that lets you check your tire pressures, among other things. The interior trim comes in regular, Alcantara or leather.

As for the looks of it, everyone will have their own opinion, but other than the bashed-crab front end, I'd say it's a nice design, reminiscent of the fun that Toyota's team has been having with its C-HR, which everybody who commented on that piece seemed to think was "fugly," but which I'm man enough to admit I cast an admiring eye over now and then when I see one in the street.

There's no accounting for taste. But I quite like the overlapping folds on the sides, the skirts, the sharp black roof, and the backside of it, which features an exhaust so subtle I can't actually figure out where it is, if there's an exhaust at all. Seriously, if you find one, tell me where. I can even stomach the little fake splitter on the front if I squint and distract myself away from the mess above it.

OK you fiends, where have you hidden the exhaust?
OK you fiends, where have you hidden the exhaust?

You can snag yourself a Juke in the UK for as little as UK£17,395 (US$21,500) or as much as UK£25,395 (US$31,326), with no fewer than 11 trim levels to decide between. Now, the question is, how long before the scallywags at Nissan Europe stick a GT-R Nismo motor in it and build a 3.0 version of the Super Juke?

The video below introduces the new Juke.

Uncover the new NISSAN JUKE, the coupe crossover

Source: Nissan

2 comments
Mzungu_Mkubwa
"...and it doesn't look terrible" Yes, it *does* look terrible! (tho perhaps not as bad as before). And, its not electric! What? ☺
guzmanchinky
Loz's writing kills me. I'm always complaining that small and mid size SUV's all look alike (blobs, I call them) and now I complain when one looks unique. I'm truly amazed that this little SUV has essentially the same tech (drive assist, pedestrian braking, etc) that my Benz E400 has. I thought I was fancy but I guess not. It will be great when all cars get this tech.