March 25, 2009 They say necessity is the mother of all invention - so we're going to steer clear of the Tennessee inventor of the Breezy Seat. It's a battery-powered, fan forced toilet seat that turns on when you sit on it, sucking smelly air out of the bowl and sending it through odor-absorbing filters and "nano-modules" before it escapes to stink up the rest of the house. Far more effective than air freshener sprays that merely paint over the turdy waft with a thin veneer of "mountain air," the Breezy Seat kills the odors right where they begin. And let's face it, in a modern world, you really shouldn't have to be holding your breath as you walk past the bathroom after your brother's been through.
One of the most important things that defines a "first world" country is how sewerage is dealt with - we define how civilized we are based on how far we can remove ourselves from having to deal with our own excrement. And although most of the western world has excellent and wonderfully effective sewerage systems, most of us still have to deal with the fact that our bathrooms absolutely reek after a big night on the Guinness and curry.
Post-dump sprays have become almost ubiquitous over the last 15 years, but while they go some way to masking an offensive smell, they're not really fooling anybody - as anyone who has been in line behind the wrong person at a party can surely attest. In a society where we successfully conceal so many of our animal functions, it's a glaring example of one we struggle to control.
All of this makes the Breezy Seat quite a nifty idea, even if it's not something we like to admit we have a problem with.
Installing a Breezy Seat looks pretty easy; stick some batteries in, load it up with replaceable filters and mysterious "nano-modules" - 2 of them if you're an aristocrat, 4 if you've got a reputation for leaving toilets in a state from which they never recover. Snap the fan-forced seat and the filter section together, and bolt it to the normal hinge mount of your toilet seat.
The seat automatically activates when you sit on it, turning on the inbuilt fans to suck air up out of the bowl and through the filters and nano-modules. It gives off no masking scent of its own, and by all accounts it does its job very well. We love some of the testimonials over at the Toilet Treater website:
"I eat a lot of chili; 3-4 cans a week. Thus I did some online research and found the Breezy Seat. This seat saved my marriage. I LOVE IT!!!!"
Irby H. - Little Rock, Arkansas
"I use my toilet a lot. This toilet seat stands up to everyday use. It is great because it's easy to clean. You don't have to hassle with sprays."
Ellis C. - New Orleans, Louisiana
So there you have it - a fan-forced solution to the stinky bathroom issue, a very civilized addition to your home and a great favour you can do for your housemates. But perhaps the Breezy Seat will be at its most effective when given as a backhanded present - a way of saying "happy birthday" but meaning "so what exactly crawled up *your* butt and died?"
In case you don't want to deal with a salesperson in the flesh, the Breezy Seat is on sale at Amazon for USD$79.
Loz Blain